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Having a poo Official Government Guide
- Choose appropriate reading material
- Let everyone know where you are going, using metaphors
- Pull pants to ankles, sit down and fart audibly whilst waiting for action
- Sign loudly once battle commences
continues (inside card)
- Sneak off discreetly
- Check mirror on way in, in case you look thinner than earlier
- Neatly place paper in bowl to muffle noise and sit down. (or squat if not your own loo)
Male Method (Continued)
- Make a mental not of noise made eg, tommy gun effect, Krakatoa erupting
- Once pins and needles set in, wipe bum and inspect paper.
- Flush loo, ignoring any marks (they will magically disappear in due course)
- Leave the seat up & door open
- Provide full report to friends
Female Method (Continued)
- Released solids, relaxing slowly to avoid unwanted flatulence
- Unroll 14 sheets of loo roll and wipe. Repeat at least 26 times.
- Flush toilet & replace lid. Open Window
- Spray air freshener until choking
- Check mirror on way out in case you look thinner than when you came in